I was not myself in 1862

It bothers me at night and in the silent times that so rarely have I won. This no doubt is what binds me to the midnight relazation that I am not among my own -- they are in the past, still alive but in the past -- uniformed men who also rarely won -- yet fought for to fight was to live, while not to fight was to decay. So I alone in the world fight to be alive. I lived in the biography I wrote of John Thomas Hess, an American Confederate private who fought not for "the Cause" of the Confederacy but for the commaraderie found in being forced to live with other humans, none of whom would be close in the so-called civilian life, but who all of whom were close in the aptly called war. I was Colonel Richard Fulgham, CSA, and my first book written in this time about the War for Southern Independence can be revewed at http://www.whitmore.com/hoofcohaciwa.thml .